Going brain dead. This was our first lessson. Woo hoo, I'm already there. Oh wait, there's more to it. If your child whines, cajoles and generally annoys, you keep repeating one-lines and don't give in.
So, a conversation may go like this...
Harper: I want a cookie.
Me: I know. Its almost time for dinner, you can't have a cookie right now.
Harper: I waaaaaaaaan't it!
Me: I know.
Harper: No!
Me: (walking away) I know.
Other things you can say:
- I love you too much to argue
- How sad
- What's that squeaky sound (when a child whines)
Its a little different for pre-verbals, but I actually did this today when confronted with whining. They still whined, but I felt better - less frustrated and in control.
We also learned about empathy and working on an empathy statement. Examples are:
- This is so sad...
- Oh sweetie...
- Uh oh...
- What a bummer...
I think I'm going to use, "Oh, no". This is how it works. Let's say Lucy is approaching the dishwasher I'm trying to unload and touching the knives.
Me: Honey, I'm trying to clean up. Please don't touch the dishwasher. You can play in the kitchen, but if you touch the dishwasher, you'll have to play in the playroom with the door locked.
She touches the dishwasher.
Me: Oh no (sincerely empathetic) you chose to touch the dishwasher, now you have to play with the gate locked.
This way you make their behavior, not you, the bad guy. I stay calm, and she didn't get too upset about being put behind the gate. Also, I'm not getting frustrated by saying a dozen times, "don't touch the dishwasher. Lucy, stop touching that. No! Stop!"
I think the best thing I learned was that my reaction affects their behavior. If you get angry, give a lecture, get sarcastic or issue threats you trigger a fight-or-flight emotional response. It is difficult for anyone to process information when they are emotional. The empathetic approach diffuses the emotional response, in both me and them.
Now, how do I use this to stop the Greco-Roman wrestling?
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