Guilt.

As I am trotting around the Arboretum, sipping on my chilled Pacha latte, it hits me. Guilt. What right do I have to be out, running errands, SPENDNG money while my brood are at home with the nanny? I see mothers pushing around THEIR babies at Babies 'R Us. I'm just toting my purse.

When I first hired the nanny, I really needed it. I was doing contract work while still getting up several times at night. Greg practically begged me to find someone. And I did. And I couldn't be happier with her. She is (now was) a preschool teacher who sings and plays with the girls. And they love her. I think they like her more than me sometimes. I enjoy spending time with her too. She's funny. She happily accompanies us to storytime and music class. She cleans when they are sleeping. Has reorganized my tupperware. She brings me cinnamon rolls. She cooked us a delicious vegetable lasagna today.

She works about 10 hours a week, and I'm not bringing in any income. Should I give up this expense? I ran into another twin mom today who left Dell. She doesn't have help. Brooke & Kaitlyn's mommy doesn't have help. My mom never had help or a maid while we were growing up.

But, damn its nice to go to Target by myself. On a Tuesday. I'd probably rather drop the housekeeper. But I like mopped floors, not just dog-licked ones.

I guess I am struggling with feeling spoiled, but maybe I should just feel blessed and lucky. Or maybe its time to go get some more contract work. Or have another baby.